Dramatis clonae

Kate Prime walks on stage and stops when she reaches center stage.

Kate Prime: Hello, everyone. I’m Kate Gorman.

Another performer walks on stage wearing a sign that says “Kate Gorman.” Kate Prime continues speaking.

Kate Prime: I’m a writer and an artist working in immersive audio and…

Kate #2: [begins speaking as soon as Kate Prime says “working”] Hello everyone, I’m Kate Gorman. I’m a writer and an artist working in immersive audio and…

Kate Prime: [interrupting Kate #2]. No, you aren’t. You’re [actual name of performer playing Kate #2].

Kate #2: What’s the problem with me saying I’m Kate Gorman?

Kate Prime: You’re [actual name of performer playing Kate #2].

Kate #2: Do you have some monopoly on saying you’re Kate Gorman?

While Kate Prime and Kate #2 are talking, a third performer walks out on stage wearing a sign that says “Kate Gorman.”

Kate #3: Hello, everyone. I’m Kate Gorman. I’m a writer and an artist working in immersive audio and…

Kate Prime: [interrupting Kate #3] Not another one.

Kate #3: What’s the problem?

Kate #2: She doesn’t like you saying that.

Kate #3: Saying what?

Kate Prime: You aren’t Kate Gorman. You’re [actual name of performer playing Kate #3]. [talking to Kate #2] You aren’t Kate Gorman either. You’re [actual name of performer playing Kate #2].

Kate #3: Do you have some monopoly on saying you’re Kate Gorman?

Kate #2: That’s just what I said.

Kate #3: [to Kate Prime] You aren’t even wearing a sign. We are.

Kate Prime: A sign doesn’t mean that you are Kate Gorman. It just means you are wearing a sign with the name “Kate Gorman” written on it.

Kate #3: Well, out of the three people on this stage, two of us have a sign with text that says “Kate Gorman,” but you, well, we just have to take your word for it.

Kate #2: [speaking to Kate #3] That is an excellent point, Kate.

Kate #3: Thank you, Kate. [to Kate Prime] Do you have any ID?

Kate Prime: Yes, here’s my driver’s license.

Kate Prime pulls her driver’s license out of her wallet and shows it to Kate #3 and Kate #2.

Kate #3: Well, that doesn’t confirm you are Kate Gorman.

Kate Prime: What do you mean? It’s a real license from the District of Columbia.

Kate #2: Kate’s right. All it confirms is that you are “Katherine Gorman.” There is no mention of “Kate” anywhere on there.

Kate Prime: Seriously? But you both know I’m Kate Gorman in real life.

Kate #3: Not here.

Kate Prime: Where?

Kate #3: On stage.

Kate #2: Yeah. We don’t “know” anything [Kate #2 makes air quotes when saying “know”] outside of the text we are given.

Kate #3: Precisely.

Kate Prime: But I gave you the text. I wrote the text.

Kate #2: We don’t “know” that either. We would have to take your word for it.

Kate #3: All we can know while we are here is: I’m Kate Gorman. I’m a writer and an artist working in immersive audio and…[trails off]

Kate #2: I’m Kate Gorman. I’m a writer and an artist working in immersive audio and…

Kate #3: I’m Kate Gorman. I’m a writer and an artist working in immersive audio and…

Kate #2: [speaking low to Kate #3] What comes after and?

Kate #3: [speaking low to Kate #2] I was hoping you knew.

Kate #2 and Kate #3 turn to look at Kate Prime. She looks back at them.

Curtain.

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