Yesterday, I worked for a long time on Episode Three. There were new scenes to generate, large swaths of text to remove, and sections to repurpose. By the end of the day, the episode has the shape and length that I want. That was good. I was pleased with the work I had done and knew what I needed to get done today.
The problem is that my body is not cooperating with me. I have a hip and back situation that flares up when I’m stressed out and/or don’t take care of myself. It’s painful and uncomfortable and makes siting or standing difficult. Which also means that it makes writing and editing difficult.
When I woke up this morning in pain, I was angry and frustrated. I knew that meant I couldn’t work on Episode Three for the six or seven hours I had planned. I knew that I would then very likely not hit my deadline of Sunday to post the episode. Now I was angry and frustrated and sad.
Then something surprising happened. I realized I was sad because I wanted to work. I enjoyed working so much that I was frustrated I wasn’t going to get to do it. I had this strange angry crying elation moment (that I’m having again as I write this) because I love working on this story. It’s been a long, long time since I’ve had that feeling. Not just having to go to work or needing to go to work, but wanting to go to work.
My foot is tingling now, which means I need to go lie down on the floor. But while I’m trying to take care of my broken body parts today and I’m annoyed or bored, I’m going to remember how exciting it is to like working again. Because that feels pretty good.